On the Mend | Counseling |Grand Rapids, MI

Forgiveness Group: Next groups begin August 6

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 06:38:21 -0700

Forgiveness Group Flyer: Begins August 6 (Men's: 11AM-12PM; Women's: 6:30-7:30PM

Effects of hypnosis for medical conditions

Fri, 11 May 2018 09:07:30 -0700

Recent article in the Wall Street Journal about the ongoing research into the effects of hypnosis for medical conditions.

https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-surprise-medical-solution-hypnosis-1525698883

Forgiveness Group

Tue, 08 May 2018 19:01:42 -0700

Parenting Group: Emotion Coaching

Tue, 03 Apr 2018 14:30:30 -0700

The secret to a deeper and stronger relationship is...

Sat, 10 Feb 2018 07:19:31 -0800

With only four days to go before Valentine's Day, stores have their special red, white, and pink section full of chocolates, fuzzy, stuffed animals, and balloons. While the focus may be on what gift one partner wants to give the other for that special day--perhaps more important for a deeper and stronger relationship is what gift can be given today--and everyday of the relationship: the gift of being MORE PRESENT to one another. Check out the following blogpost from Muse to learn more!

http://www.choosemuse.com/blog/the-secret-to-deeper-stronger-relationships/

Guest Post: Co-parenting--It's for your children

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 08:08:57 -0700

One of the goals for couples involved in a divorce or separation process is to develop a co-parenting agreement that's in the best interest of the children. It's my pleasure to share this guest post that explains the importance of co-parenting. -mw

Co-Parenting: It’s for Your Children

By: Tim Backes

When you divorce and have children, you need to work through how you and your
ex will parent them. Of course the family court has a say as well, but parents get to
negotiate on many of the finer details.

You will need to work out these details and present the court with a clear and
actionable parenting plan. Some of the aspects will have to follow your state’s
predefined standards, but you can add in your own provisions.

As long as everything appears to be legal and put in place with the best interests of
the children involved, most judges will sign off.

3 Reasons Why Co-Parenting is Beneficial for Your Children
Believe or not, even though you and your ex decided to call it quits, it’s better for
you both to be in your children’s’ lives. Here are a few examples of why.

Your Focus Shifts to Your Children
People going through a divorce often fall into the trap of spending all of their
resources, their time, money, and attention, on doing whatever they can to hurt
their ex. Even if you have an amicable split, you can get overly focused on trying to
get the most that you can, regardless of whether it’s money, property, or time with
your kids.

By making a commitment early on that you are your ex-spouse are going to co-
parent, you can stop worrying about the divorce. You can instead focus your time
and energy on raising your children and spending time with them.

Your Children Get More of Everything
This might be hard to swallow, but...Read More

Staying on Track

Wed, 24 May 2017 07:53:52 -0700

People seek counseling or therapy for a variety of reasons. For some, the decision to make an appointment follows soon after a significant event, experience, or crisis that shakes the person's life or relationship. For others, it's the desire to address long-term patterns, behaviors, or emotions that have affected the different areas of life--home, work, social, etc. And still for others, it's a decision focused on preparing for the future--setting down roots, a strong foundation--for whatever is to come.

While some might desire to commit to more extensive time in counseling, while others simply want a brief course of treatment, there is the hope for everyone that what he or she gains through counseling will be maintained and sustained over time.

How can an individual or couple maintain the successes and gains of therapy?

One way is to remember that counseling itself, like so many other activities in life, is a process: it has a set beginning, middle, and end.

To illustrate, let's take an example from cooking school. You have a new recipe for a delicious dessert. You decide to perform the first 3 steps of the recipe--measure out ingredients, mix them together, and pour the mixture into a baking dish. At that point, you figure it looks good the way it is and choose not to bake it, skipping the 4th step and moving right to step 5--serve. While it's only one step skipped over--the results aren't what you as cook--and your guests--are expecting. (It doesn't look anything like the picture!)

Similarly, in counseling, there is a beginning, middle, and end. At the start of counseling, there is a lot of sharing and reflecting about the difficulties, struggles, challenges, arguments, and conflicts. We're setting the stage for what's to come. Next, in the middle part, there is still the sharing of challenges and difficulties, but we're also practicing and applying new skills and strategies. Anticipating that these...Read More

Opening Day...competition and concentration for (at least) 162 games

Mon, 03 Apr 2017 09:36:54 -0700

Depending on what team you root for, today is (or yesterday was) Opening Day for Major League Baseball. Early-April games have a much different feel to them compared to the warm, humid, hot-dog fragrant air of summertime. And a lot of ballgames will take place between now and early fall. It's at this point that many managers already speak about how while it's early in the season, every games counts. Players--fresh from training during the offseason and spring training itself--comment on the fact that regardless of what time it is in the season, they need to perform well at every opportunity.

When you think about it...it is grueling. For at least 162 games, with maybe a day or two off thrown into the mix, players are expected to perform well at every at bat, with every pitch, catch, throw, and hustle. Errors aren't welcome (unless it's committed by the other team)...and if a player commits one...the scorekeepers will remind everyone about it on the Jumbotron, placing that negative mark in it's own special category--right next to the positive marks of runs and hits. And no sooner after "it" happens, the game moves on--the player expected to let it go and concentrate on the next play.

As a former little leaguer (that's as far as I moved up!), I had my share of bad plays. Really. bad. plays. And just because the next batter in the lineup stood up at the plate, there was no guarantee I was ready to concentrate on what was to come next. I was still thinking about how I terribly misjudged where that line drive would land. I was still thinking about how I missed the cut-off by throwing to third. And I was thinking how all of that would have been avoided if the pitcher just threw ball 4 instead of a pitch right down the middle of the plate.

Athletes--in baseball or in any sport--require a certain mentality to concentrate or compete well. Otherwise, the mind will continually suggest images of failure and defeat--oftentimes then leading to actual...Read More

Easing psychological distress--together?

Wed, 22 Feb 2017 15:23:41 -0800

Making the decision to seek counseling to address a challenge or difficulty in life can be a difficult decision to make.

Once made, the decision that follows can be equally as difficult: do I go alone or with my partner/family member? (I can't forgo mentioning the choice of group therapy as well)

Most commonly, the decision comes down to the following: If I'm struggling with a personal issue, then it's best to address it individually. If I'm struggling with issues related to my relationship, then conjoint (couples) therapy may be appropriate.

While common, it's not always the ordinary way to go. Many individuals seek individual therapy, alone, to address relationship issues--without his/her partner present.

What may be more uncommon is an individual struggling with a personal issue (take depression, for example) seeking to address it within the modality of conjoint (couples/family) therapy.

While this option might appear to be an uncomfortable experience, there is a growing body of research that is drawing attention to how conjoint (couples/family) therapy can be considered an indicated approach when one person shows symptoms of psychological distress. In a study by Denton, Golden, and Walsh (2003), the authors highlighted how couples therapy was found to be superior to medication in reducing depressing symptoms.

Dr. Stan Tatkin, in his book Wired for Love, makes the point that since our Western culture emphasizes autonomy, there is the notion that when there is any kind of distress--whether individual or relational--it's best solved with the "You take of yourself and I'll take care of myself" mentality. Somehow--by doing this--everything will work itself out. In the end, Dr. Tatkin concludes this reliance on autonomy doesn't hold. Rather, emphasizing MUTUALITY is key. Working at it, talking about it, addressing it together.

When deciding what treatment modality (individual, conjoint, or group) to pursue,...Read More

What's going on in you right now? An emotion "check-in"

Thu, 12 Jan 2017 15:25:18 -0800

Hopefully by this point, you have given thought to your resolutions/valued-directions and begun acting upon them. I drove past a local health club yesterday evening and the parking lot was packed--a sign perhaps that those who value physical health and well-being are acting on it through running, swimming, weightlifting, or biking.

Imagine for a moment that there was another person driving past that same health club. That person--as she was driving by--saw the cars in that parking lot and remembered that just 13 days ago, she had made a resolution to take her health seriously this year by working out more often. Driving by on this certain evening, she realized she hasn't stopped by the health club in well over a week. She began to feel some guilt. Then her thoughts turned to her co-worker who just announced that day he was beginning to train for a marathon. "He's already one of the most athletic persons I know," she recalled thinking at the time, "why would he possibly need to train?" Now, she started to get angry. Her hand gripped the steering wheel tightly, she pressed on the acceleration pedal with more force, and sped off. She may have left the health club buildling behind in the distance, but the feelings the health club brought up in her just hitched a free ride.

Without even realizing them at times, our emotions make themselves known. What can be helpful from time to time is to tune into what we're experiencing on an emotional level.

Here's a simple way to do this:

Maybe about 3-5 times a day, do a simple emotion "check-in." Stop for a moment, and simply ask yourself what it is you're feeling right now in whatever situation you are in. To simplify it even further, here's a list of some primary emotions.

Joy

Sadness

Pain

Anger

Fear

Guilt

Here's some examples:

"Right now, I'm driving past the health club and I feel some guilt that I haven't been able to follow-through on my resolution...Read More